The Crossover Cooking Contest
by Kithrin
Summary: Came to me one day while chatting with a friend, what is Hild decided to hold a cooking contest? who would she choose to staff it with? and finally what would the funniest results be? Oneshot complete.


The Crossover Cooking Contest

By: Kithrin

AN: Some ideas came from Princess Asuna that came up in a chat

Disclaimer- I don't own any of these characters.

A camra is running in a dark room, when suddenly a voice booms out, "Here we are folks the crossover cooking contest, and now let's introduce the host!" Suddenly three spotlights illuminate a beautiful woman in skimpy clothing. She has a star on each cheek, large bustline, and a wicked smirk. "Here is the Daimakaicho Hild, she is the host, sponsor, AND the one that chose the contestants!"

More spot lights highlight a table with three chairs. Then Hild speaks into a microphone, "Here are our three sacri… er judges!" a man in white armor, with a large spear with thrusters on it walked out and sat in the first seat. "Croix!" A teenage Japanese boy in a red Chinese shirt and black kung fu pants walked out grumbling about mercenaries, and took his seat in the second chair. "Ranma!" Finally a Green haired Beauty stalked out grumbling about princesses and Crystal Tokyo. She glared at the host before taking her seat. "Setsuna!"

"And now our contestants!" Hild continued with a nasty grin, as three cooking areas were illuminated. A teenage girl dressed in a pink and white outfit walked out to her assigned cooking space. Her long brown ponytail was held at the bottom by an odd circular device. "Aurica!" A young looking girl that looked fourteen or fifteen walked out, she was wearing a black and red outfit with the bottom looking like a black and red bikini bottom. Black and red boots completed the outfit. "Jacqli! Also known as Mir!" Finally another teenager stalked out and took her place. She had short black hair a school girl's outfit, and was glairing daggers at the pigtailed boy at the judges table.

"The rules of this contest are as follows. First each judge will be required to take a truth potion so that they can't lie to get on any judges good side. Second each contestant will make three dishes an appetizer, main course, and a dessert. Third each dish needs to be above a certain level of effort. This means that putting a block of tofu down and calling it a dish is not allowed. The score will be an average of the three judges' scores, with a separate score for both taste and looks."

At this point Akane started grumbling at the host, only to end up extra crispy as she was hit by a lightning bolt from Hild.

"This looks like a good time to introduce our Doctor," as Hild said this young child with red hair walked out. "Meet Washu Hibiki the self proclaimed greatest scientific genius in the universe, and her nurse Hotaru!" Washu glared at Hild before taking out some odd technological gadgets, and healing Akane. She then bows to the audience, and walked off stage.

"Finally no attacks on the contestants, judges, or any of the personnel will be allowed. The prize of this contest will be an all expense paid trip to the home locations of the other contestants; the judges will get the same prize, and for each person a daily allowance of local currency to spend as they see fit. This prize CANNOT be redeemed by anyone other than the person who obtains it, and one guest may come along as well. Now it is Time to **let the contest begin**!"

Mir grabbed what looks like a sheet of seaweed, fish, an odd type of egg, and some rice. She put the ingredients on the seaweed paper and after adding a bit of vinegar she rolls it into a tube. She cuts it into three sections and brings it to the judges table. "Here is my Seafood Tales." She said as she puts it in front of each judge.

"Looks like Mir decided to play it safe and make sushi let's see what the judges say about it," Hild announced

"Looks good," Ranma said. He then tastes the sushi. "It's good, I give it a nine out of ten for both looks and taste."

"One of her best dishes," Croix agreed. He then mumbled, _"Not that she can really cook anything else." _ He tasted it, and said, "Looks like a nine out of ten and I give it an eight out of ten for taste."

"A bit simple, but sometimes simpler is better." Setsuna said. She tasted it, and said, "eight out of ten for looks, and seven out of ten for taste."

"Well, Mir ended up with an eight point three for looks in this round, and a eight out of ten for taste!" Hild announced. "But, how will the rest of the cooks do?"

Suddenly a commotion sounds near Akane's cooking area. The camera pans toward her kitchenette, and a blob of goo jumps out at the camera. The view gets staticed out, as they switch to the next camera. The view stabilized as two girls in fukus and ridiculously short skirts are fighting the blob of cooking with a mirror and a sword.

"And here are two of our security personnel to handle Akane's meal, say hello to two of the sailor senshi, Uranus and Neptune!" Hild announced.

The camera pans toward the three judges and shows them in a heated discussion. Croix speaks out for the three judges, "Miss Hild, we have come to a consensus about her meal, we give it a zero for both taste and looks. None of us are interested in eating a still living meal."

Hid looked at the struggling blob of goo, and replied, "I agree with you, so Akane's score for round one is zero!"

Next Aurica walked up to the judges table. She was holding a tray with three cups that are filled with what can only be described as an unappetizing goop. She placed one cup in front of each judge as a misfired world shaking exploded in the background. "This is my Food Juice, I hope you like it," Aurica said.

The three judges each take a cup with a grimace, and drink it down. Meanwhile in the background Neptune's voice can be heard screaming, "NO, IT ATE URANUS!"

"Well it seems like one of our security personnel clocked out early today, so we will have sailor Jupiter take her place," Hild declared, as Jupiter and Mercury rushed to help Neptune.

"Ow, my head," Setsuna complained as the temporal change hit her, but she knew she couldn't get out of this since she had to sign a contract to get her princess out of the judges table. "I give this a two for looks and a ten for taste, it may LOOK completely disgusting, but it tastes great."

Croix and Ranma looked at each other, and in chorus said, "Agreed."

Hild blinked at that statement, and looked at the judges incredulously. She then walked to Aurica's cooking station, and picked up a cup of left over juice, upon tasting it she nodded her head in agreement. "The ending score for this round is…" upon saying that she points to a screen where a score board appears.

Akane Aurica Mir

Round Taste Looks Taste Looks Taste looks

Appetizer 0 0 10 2 8 7

Main Dish

Dessert

"Well Mir is ahead in the average of the two categories, but Aurica is ahead in the taste department. Well folks let's move on to the next round!" Hild announced.

The three cooks started their next dish.

Akane started adding ingredients seemingly at random. That is until one notices that she has three books open at once. Disconcertingly only one was a cookbook, one was a chemistry lab textbook, and the other one was a manga, so she wouldn't get board while waiting for her dish to cook.

Mir grabbed some chicken and spices. When Croix saw this he paled, and handed what looked like space helmets that made an air tight seal around there necks to his two fellow judges. The other two looked at him questioningly, so he said, "trust me, you'll need it."

Aurica grabbed some beef, barbeque sauce, a cup, and some soda. The three judges looked at each other, until Ranma got the courage to ask, "Umm, how do those three make a dish?

Croix looked at the two and sighed, "I've heard of it from Mir."

Setsuna just shook her head and prayed it wouldn't get any worse…

Just as she thought that a scream of, "MERCURY, NO!" sounded from where the scouts were fighting the blob that seemed to have started throwing water magics and world shakings around after eating the two senshi.

"I just had to think it, didn't I" Setsuna groaned out.

Meanwhile Mir took out a bunch of spices, chicken, and started frying them up.

Croix stiffened when he saw that, and said, "I can't believe she's making that…"

The two other judges, not seeing anything wrong with the ingredient choices, and not knowing Mir looked at him in confusion before Setsuna had another spike to her headache as Mars, who seriously underestimated a meal cooked by Akane, was eaten by said cooking as soon as she charged into fight it. By this time all the scouts were fighting it and now had to deal with fire attacks as well.

Akane meanwhile… well she had melted at least three pans, twelve spoons, and accidently dissolved a black cat with a golden crescent mark on its head with her soup, when she accidently splashed it. The vomit green, florescent pink, and pitch black colored steams coming off of her glowing purple soup caused Hild to wonder if Urd had slipped some of her potion ingredients into Akane's section of the kitchen.

Finally all three contestants were done with the main course, but before the contestants could continue, a man with greasy hair and beaklike nose wearing robes walked to Akane's dish, and after pulling out a vial used a want to take a sample before walking back out the door.

"And that ladies and gentleman... I have no Idea who that was, but anyway let's get on with the judging!" Hild announced, in a rather confused tone of voice.

The three judges eyes widen as Mir approached wearing a gas mask, and as soon as she gets within five feet, their eyes and noses start burning to the point that Ranma and Setsuna kicks the tray, sending it into a man who came in wearing a tux and a mask, just after he threw a rose. As soon as the meal, which looks like a bunch of hard red balls hits the man he bursts into fire. Neptune pelts him with a deep submerge before turning back to the meal she was fighting, and barely got out of the way when it lunged at her.

"Medic!" Hild yelled.

Washu comes out, alone and starts putting the burned man on a flouting stretcher.

"Where's your nurse Washu?" Hild asks.

"Oh, she's a bit tied up right now; I wanted to run some… tests," she replied nonchalantly before heading out with the crispy Kaman.

"Well anyway, since the judges reacted that way the dish must have gotten a score of zero, so on to Aurica's dish!" Hild announced brightly.

Aurica' started to walk over, and the three judges were shocked to see what looked like a well made piece of BBQ beef… stuck on the rim of a glass of soda. "Here is my BBQ soda, I hope you like it," she said before leaving one in front of each judge.

Ranma decided that he had the best stomach for the job if it was toxic. As he tasted the food he was shocked to discover that the BBQ was tasty and even drinking the soda with the meat still on the lip of the glass was pretty good. "Thee for looks, seven for taste," he announced.

The two others looked at him like he was insane before trying it themselves. Their eyes widened as they noticed that it was, indeed, quite tasty.

"I would have to agree, but I say two and eight for myself," Croix said.

"Three and five myself," Setsuna said.

"Aurica's score is for this round two for looks, and six point seven for taste!" let's hear it for the only person that has the potential to score in all three rounds!" Hild announced to the applause of the audience. "Now we have one more contestant for this round AKANE, who by the looks of the damage her soup caused to the kitchen and a cat, is meant to kill I will have to disqualify her attempt!"

"What!" Akane screamed throwing her hands up, which since they were holding the pot of soup sent it flying… to land on a white cat with a golden crescent in its head, dissolving it entirely. "HOW DA…" she started to rant before she was zapped by Hild to shut her up.

"Sorry, my show, my rules," Hild said with the most infuriating smirk on her face.

"Ow…" Akane said while crawling back to the kitchen for the last round.

"Now the score as its stands is…" Hild said as the score board updated itself adding a new category.

Akane Aurica Mir

Round Taste Looks Taste Looks Taste looks

Appetizer 0 0 10 2 8 7

Main Dish 0 0 6.7 2 0 0

Dessert

Kills 5 0 1

Minus five points for each kill.

"Now start your dishes for the final round… DESERT!" Hild told the contestants.

A grumbling Akane, again started grabbing random ingredients by following the recipes from five different cookbooks, a book on witchcraft, and three different mangas. The glow from her kitchen worried everybody including the three remaining senshi who were relaxing after finally killing Akane's appetizer.

Mir thought for a second before grabbing Ice cream fruits, and cream. Croix relaxed upon seeing this as he knew what she was planning on making.

On the other hand Aurica's station seemed also to have some sort ice-cream being made. But the ingredients were quite a bit different. Ranma, noticing what was being made splashed himself with water to enjoy the ice-cream to its fullest.

After half an hour Hild called time, so as to get to the final judging.

Mir walked up to the three judges confidently, her parfait looked picture perfect, as she set it down in front of the three. All three judges dug into the ice-cream, the three discussed it quietly, and after nominating Setsuna as a spoke's person she said, "I speak for all three of us when I say that it was a solid eight in both categories."

Hild nodded, and said, "Next is Aurica, with her offering, which appears to be… black shaved ice?"

The three judges were just as confused, but after experiencing her cooking twice already, dug in. They were not disappointed, as the flavor of the ice filled their mouths. The three looked at each other before Croix said, "I believe that I speak for all of us when I say seven for looks ten for taste."

The other two nodded, in agreement, and looked worriedly toward Akane's station, where a violent conflict of light was emerging from the pot she was stirring.

As Hild was about to tell Akane to hurry up, a loud explosion engulfed Akane's station. When the smoke cleared a catgirl version of Ranma stood with her feet in the empty pot, which thankfully was cool. "Now ere the hell am I? I know it wasn't time to shift yet…" she grumbled.

All eyes followed the catgirl as she continued to walk and grumble. Suddenly she vanished into thin air.

"That was weird," Hild said. A quick shake of her head later and she was ready to continue. "Now since Akane seems not to have something to present, she will, once again, get a zero for the round. The final scores with the totals are…"

Once again the screen lights up.

Akane Aurica Mir

Round Taste Looks Taste Looks Taste looks

Appetizer 0 0 10 2 8 7

Main Dish 0 0 6.7 2 0 0

Dessert 0 0 10 7 8 8

Kills 5 0 1

Minus five points for each kill.

Total score -25 37.7 26

"And the winner is… Aurica!" Hild announced. "Now I will be by in one week to pick up the winners and the judges up for your prizes. See you in a weak, and thank you for participating in the Crossover Cooking Contest," she finished, before snapping her fingers and sending the survivors back home. She then vanished in a plume of fire as the lights went out.

END

AN: The cat Ranma is from, Angel Frog's story Neko, used with permission.


End file.
